Thursday, June 28, 2012

The Ninth Day

Today was my ninth and last day on the new job. An emotional wreck, I turned in my notice after lunch. As an aside, a bright young woman I had trained with the first week had also quit that morning. We were both hired the same day and quit the same day. I'll bet that doesn't happen often.

In my case, the CEO turned out to be a rather cool, detached type that did not go out of his way to make me feel welcome. Every day I went to work with either my stomach in knots or in tears or both. For my health and sanity I saw no other option. The HR manager and the girl who trained me were so supportive and understanding. They admitted that the CEO is "different" and they seemed genuinely sorry that it didn't work out. Even after they realized I wasn't going to change my mind, they were kind enough to tell me that out of the three candidates I was first choice on everyone's list, and that they still feel like they made the right decision. They told me I did an excellent job and wished me well.

But I can't place all the blame on the CEO. The major life upheavals I've had this year certainly added to the problem: losing my mother, moving out of state, my eldest son struggling to survive in L.A. Starting a new job was just another huge life change that I wasn't quite ready to tackle.

After I took a Xanax and pulled myself together, I took some photos in my garden, which was a lot like therapy. I love zinnias and I'm always fascinated by their different stages of development. Each stage is unique for each flower and yet they're all beautiful.

This was me the first day at the new job--tightly wound but eager to open up.

This is me the second week--just getting ready to bloom. But look! Oh, no, there's a little white bug! Looks benign so I let it roam. Big mistake.

The rest of these could have been symbolic of my development, given the right conditions.


This is what I could have blossomed into if cultivated properly.

I'm sure I'll find something else after I lick my wounds and pull myself together. I just hope I am able to do so soon!

34 comments:

TexWisGirl said...

oh, gail. i'm terribly sorry. but if you weren't comfortable and were stressed, you definitely made the right decision for yourself. :)

Tammy@Simple Southern Happiness said...

Sometimes things just do not work out, I will pray the Lord will open a new door for you where things will be to your liking.

As always, outstanding photography and DOF is amazing.

So very sorry to read of your mother's passing and the other challenges you have in your life.

May GOD lift your spirits and give you peace.

Linda said...

It's so hard to give up on something like this, especially after you've poured all your energy into succeeding during the few weeks you were there. You gave it your best shot, but it's not worth sacrificing your health. As for the photographs, they are absolutely lovely. Therapeutic, for sure. :)

ladyfi said...

So sorry to hear that your job didn't work out.

Your photos are gorgeous! And perhaps symbolic of you flowering somewhere else?

bailey-road.com said...

I love zinnias too. these shots are lovely.
I'm sorry the job didn't work out for you.

Dave said...

Sorry your job never worked out Gail. I specially liked your last flower photo, with the earlier pics working up to the full bloom - Dave

Danielle said...

It's difficult to make these types of decisions and it seems as though you have your priorities straight and were able to make the right decision for you. God will place you where he wants you to be in his time. When we try and rush his plan we end up getting ourselves in a pickle...but thank goodness He is there to open that next door for us. Breathe deeply while you are out in that garden and walk slowly...you have a gift.

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

Oh no. I know what it's like to be working in the wrong place. I'm sorry it didn't work out, but you have to take care of yourself first.

Lisa Gordon said...

Oh Gail, I am so sorry this did not work out.
Take some time just for you. You'll know when it's time to look for something else.

Your photographs are gorgeous. One cannot help but feel happy when seeing them.

Have a good weekend, my friend.

xo.

Pieces of Sunshine said...

Maybe it's time for an extended break then maybe part-time work..... You have had so much to cope with and adjust to over the last few months. At least you know it wasn't your fault. Your life is more important than trying to barely survive in a strained work environment.

How does DoubleD feel about it?

Kathy said...

I took a job like that once. It just didn't work. It takes a lot of guts to say I made the wrong decision, now let me out of here before I do something really crazy! You got out in time to keep the scarring to a minimum. And you know that saying about one door closing and another one opening. In the meantime, you can still take beautiful photos and your talent hasn't been damaged!

Gone Country said...

Your photos are gorgeous!

Sorry about the job but your health and well-being should be priority. The right job for you will come along. Hang in there.

Deanna said...

Oh Gail, I am sorry it didn't work out for you. But you really did do the right thing by leaving before your health was affected. When you have some time to refresh you will find the right "job". I love your comparison of the zinnia to your journey. Beautiful photos!! Hugs!!

Linda R said...

I always feel like God has a purpose for us.. And maybe he was telling you that was not your purpose.. At least you listen to your gut and left. Cause you might have missed what great opportunity the Big Guy has in store for you if you stayed.. I wish I was there to give you a great big hug...

Your photos are Beautiful..

justine said...

that is so awful, you poor thing, it sounds terrible but life really is too short to hate something that much. I hope you take some time for yourself to recover. I absolutely love your beautiful shots too

beth said...

good for you !!!
most people would had muddled through miserably and you were strong enough to say, hey....this is not working for me !!
i applaud you !!

the right job and the right boss are out there just waiting for you......xo

ps...."this is not working for me" is a line that once you start using it {saying it} feels so good. i learned this on oprah and have used it myself.
it makes the other person or people know it's not them {even if it is} and makes you feel powerful when you're brave enough to say it. any version works....this isn't going to work for me.....that doesn't work for me....i'm glad that works for you but it doesn't work for me.....etc !!!
hugs

Deb Crecelius said...

I, too, love zinnias.
These are great photos of the stages of bloom growth.
I heartily agree with Beth's take on your job.
I like that - "this isn't working for me" - great sentiment.

heyBJK said...

I really hate to hear things didn't work out at your job. On the other hand, it's no fun to stay stressed daily. It affects the rest of your life, too. I hope you find something more enjoyable in a better atmosphere.

Your photos are gorgeous! Beautiful work!

hootnonny said...

Oh Gail, you did the right thing by getting out of Dodge before your health was further impacted.

We know that too many changes in one's life in a short time can create a myriad of health problems. No need for a job to contribute to that.

To me you are the beautiful, fully bloomed zinnia! Hugs and prayers!

Hilary said...

Gail, I'm sorry it didn't work out for you but I'm glad you're not putting yourself through more stress by sticking with something that makes you unhappy. I was in the same situation a few years back and I was just miserable. The right opportunity will come along.

As for your photography, it's just stunning.

Evelyn S. said...

Gail...I am so sorry about the job not working out, but it was obviously not the place for you to be! I love your metaphor linking the beautiful little zinnia to your experience (or would that be an analogy?) Beautifully photographed, as always. Hugs to/for you!

Nancy Claeys said...

I likely would have done the same thing. When you get to be this age, it's hard to put up with the bullshit. :)

Barbara Shallue said...

Ditto what Nancy said above me - there's no sense putting yourself through that much stress. I'm sure you made the right choice and I love your comparison to the blooming above. In my opinion, you've already bloomed! Sending a big hug!

Tree Hugger - Suzan said...

It's good that you knew that this job wasn't for you and did something about it. Hopefully this will make you stronger for the next chapter of your journey and you'll find that you had to go through this door to get there! God Bless and do have faith!

rainfield61 said...

You have made your decision.

And you are going to start a new life again very soon.

Very best to you.

Tricia Hays said...

Oh, Gail, I'm terribly sorry it didn't work for you... maybe it might have been too soon to go back to work? Whatever the case may be, I'm praying for you & will continue to do so! I believe you made the right decision, esp if you were going to work crying, that isn't good at all, makes for very stressful situations & bad health problems... You keep your head up, cuz it WILL work out...

also, i'm sorry about your son, too, that has to be stressful & worrisome... God bless & I'm praying this passes soon & works out =)

Sallie (FullTime-Life) said...

Sorry that the job didn't work out for you~ The right thing will come along. Glad you have your "therapy garden." (Great pictures).

Starla said...

KUDOS to you!! You KNEW that this job was not good for you and you took care of yourself! My hat is off to you! I wish I could say I would do the same, but I'm not that brave!

I love your picture symbolism...perfect...

Dianne said...

perhaps you had to leave to make room for something so much better to come your way

your photos are stunning

Laura Delegal - Leroy Photography said...

So sorry. Your zenias are beautiful and so are you, Gail. Sometimes you're on a path that is meant to teach a lesson or take you to another place. Chin up. :)

Georgianna said...

HI Gail, I'm so happy that you recognized very quickly that this was not a survival position for you to be in. You deserve much nurturing and cultivation and appreciation. I'm sure the next one will be much better and enhance rather than detract from your quality of life.

Beautiful photos, too. Very therapeutic, photography, isn't it?

xo

Michelle said...

Awww Gail...sorry it didn't work out the way you hoped. I read not to make any major life changes in the first year after losing someone you love. You've been through a lot...just trust the process...and don't beat yourself up. I'm glad you're not working there if it wasn't going to be a good fit. (((hug)))

missing moments said...

Gail, these are beautiful photos and good decision about the job. LIfe is way too short to be doing something we don't enjoy. You'll find the right position. Hang in there!

septembermom said...

Sometimes it is not meant to be. Your artistry is a gift and I know you will dive into your photography. We are all lucky to enjoy your work here :)