Saturday, July 25, 2009

Happy Birthday, My First Born!!

When I was 19 years old, I became a mother for the first time. I remember reading all the baby books and feeling like this was a role I was ready for. After 26 hours of labor, my boy arrived, healthy and well. Relief. One prayer answered. Hours later the nurse placed him in my arms for the first time. An intense feeling of fear came over me and I gently handed him back to the nurse in tears. It wasn't that I didn't love him. Quite the opposite. I loved him so much that I was afraid. What if I dropped him? What if I let him down? Well, I did make many mistakes over the years, but once I overcame that initial fear, I loved being a mom.

He's my most resilient, stubborn child. At age 3 he decided he no longer needed me to tuck him in and kiss him goodnight. I was heartbroken, but I gave him that space. If I had that moment back again, I would kiss him and tuck him in anyway.

2 comments:

Iowa Gardening Woman said...

How is he now? My first born turned 40 last November, now that really made me feel old, I was 19 when he was born same as you.

Louisiana Belle said...

Hi there Iowa Gardening Woman! My "boy" is 29 and I still worry about him as if he was a baby. :)