Monday, January 17, 2011
A letter to my mother
I wanted to write a little more than the Christmas card space allowed, so I hope you don’t mind the typewritten letter.
First, I want you to know how much I love you since we never say it to each other, and I want to make sure that you REALLY AND TRULY KNOW. I don’t think it needs to be said because the things we do for each other seem evidence enough. Besides, we both get emotional and Lord knows there are enough tears shed whenever our visits come to an end. “Good-bye” is becoming increasingly difficult to say with each subsequent visit. My urge is to put you in the car and demand that you get on the plane with me. But I know that’s not possible, even though I wish with all my might that it was.
Growing up, we were like a team – just you and me. You made sure I was fed, clean, and decently clothed. You provided much-needed structure, and more importantly, you brought me up in the Catholic faith. You stood silently by as I went to other faiths, and as long as those religions believed in the Trinity, you seemed okay with that. Well, I’ve had 30 years to explore and sometimes not explore, but I’ve finally come to the conclusion, as you know, that I need the comfort and rituals of Catholicism in my life, even if it’s under the umbrella of Anglicanism at the moment. Thankfully, Dennis is on board with me; otherwise, I would have gone on the path alone. The worship service is so comforting to me on Sunday mornings, that sometimes my eyes fill with tears thinking of all the years I could have been worshipping this way but didn’t. Then again, maybe I needed to go through that to appreciate the faith.
Sadly, I haven’t been the perfect daughter, or the perfect mother, or the perfect wife, and it’s hard to admit those things. Hell, it’s hard to live with. All I can do is go forward and try to do better. You have demonstrated how to be a graceful lady my whole life. I inherited maybe 10% of your grace (and that’s a big MAYBE), but I try to incorporate more of you into my personality as the years go by. It’s funny…when I was young I wanted to be my own person and not like you at all. Now, all I want is to be like the gracious lady you are.
Finally, I want you to know how much I appreciate all the things you have done for me and my family over the years. You were at every high school graduation, college graduation, marriage, and more. My children have always felt and known your love from the day they took their first breath. They’re at the age now where they’re trying to discover themselves and make their way in the world, which means they’re busy and preoccupied – not a lot of time for mom and Mimi. But there is such comfort for them to know that you love them unconditionally and are always in their corner no matter what.
Well, that’s enough for now. I will see you soon and hopefully have one of the children with me – probably Greg. Please keep him and us all in your prayers.