Wednesday, August 18, 2010

City of Flames

My patio thermometer
The Dallas/Ft. Worth Metroplex is now in its 19th day of triple-digit temperatures. Since July 31 we have hit 100+ degrees every single day, with hardly a drop of rain. Every summer I grumpily complain to anyone who will listen:

"We have to move!"

"I can't take another summer here!"

"This is my last summer in this godforsaken place! I mean it this time!" (Stated for the last 26 summers.)

"I don't know how much longer I can take this!"

Whenever it's this hot I start thinking a lot about hell, and how I hope and pray that I don't end up there. Texas is as close to Hell as I care to experience. Sometimes I wonder why God didn't threaten humanity with freezing temperatures or an eternity of snow. For whatever reason, He chose heat, and for me, it is a threat that works. Unless Hades has air conditioning, which I highly doubt, that is going to be one miserable existence. I want no part of that. Spending eternity in a reasonably cool environment is all I ask. Please and Amen.

Here are some of my favorite "It's hot/hotter than" quotes:

It's hotter than the hinges on the gates of Hades.

It's hotter than Paris Hilton's underwear.

It's hot enough to cure tobacco.

It's hotter than seven hells.

It's hotter than a whore in church without her panties on.

It's hotter than a $2 pistol.

Do you have any favorite heat-related sayings or jokes to help me through this miserable time?


SkitzoLeezra said...

It's hot as a crotch.

SkitzoLeezra said...

It's so damn hot, you can do some crotch pot cookin'.

Nadine, Chewy and Lilibell said...

Sorry, I can't think of any hot sayings right now off the top of my head, but DAM!!!'s HOT out there! We've had a very hot and dry summer ourselves up here with lots of humidity (though not as hot as it's been for you). And I hate to say this, but I'm soooo looking forward to Fall and the cooler, crisp weather. Now watch, once winter hits us with freezing temps., I'll be moaning about it and wishing it was summer, haha!!

Hugs, Nadine

Kittie Howard said...

Haven't heard the 'whore in church...' saying in years and enjoyed a good chuckle...we enjoyed beautiful weather on our trip but returned to a heat wave in Virginia, broken a week later by a burst of rain, then, yesterday, massive rain storms. I think it's going to be a rough winter cause too many leaves are falling too soon. I think the Good Lord will give you points for living in Texas ;))))

Teresa Evangeline said...

I best leave this one alone :) But I hope it's cooling down for you.