J left me the following message last night and it had me in tears from laughing so hard:
Gail this is J, I’m calling to thank y’all. Um, the flowers y’all sent are very nice. Uh, I had ILLITERATES read the card to me, so I hope I’m saying the right thing. Ya know, somebody named Shanequa can’t pronounce [her Italian last name]. [Shanequa said] “What kind of name is that? I never saw that in my life. There’s 2 a’s in there. Is that your middle name?” I said, “it’s my former SURNAME.” *mmmm….groans* Just complete rudeness!
But I’m calling because your mom said you were concerned about me and I know…when you’re not…when somebody’s sick and you’re far away, it’s hard.
*clipped conversation due to difficulty understanding*
The neurosurgeon just left my room, which I’m not in critical care anymore – I’m in a regular room. And they’ve been walking me and um, have me answer questions. They said, uh, I had to eat more and um, I told them, I said the reason I’m not eating is because when I BUZZ you and TELL you I need to go to the bathroom you don’t come! And you’ve got this damn big ass diaper strapped to my ass and you leave me here for an hour and I said no, I know I’m not going to eat. What goes IN has to come OUT. I said I’m not used to this. I don’t like to go to the bathroom in public. And then last night on each side of me I hear two men and you could tell they were men by the deep baritone in their voice. They were obviously having bowel movements and the nurse said when they were moving me “I hate to tell you honey, this is going to be going all night”. ‘Cause they were on each side of me. They were going “ooohhhh.”
*J makes groaning sound followed by deep laughter*
Have mercy! (more laughter) I was laughing so hard. I’m thinking this is why God let women have babies. There wouldn’t be people on the earth…men wouldn’t…they would beg for mercy. You got a bad problem. So men are NOT the stronger sex. Women are not the weaker.
Apparently, my voice mail only allows 3 minute messages because she was cut off during her coughing episode. I called my mother to report the phone call and she said that J is in a private room; there are no men in her room. She's been complaining lately about people talking too loud so they don't disturb Bob in the bed next to her. When the family asks her who he is, she points to the side (at nothing) and says he's underneath the bed trying to get some sleep.
A brain injury can really cause people to do and say some strange things. Like my mother said last night, we just have to laugh because if we don't, we'll cry. And knowing J's sense of humor, she would definitely want us to laugh. Hell, I would want the same if it were me.