Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Another death, sort of....

She called me "mother-in-love"; I in turn called her "daughter-in-love". Even though the charming phrase was her idea, I thought it accurately described how I truly felt about her. All the possibilities, all the planning for the future, so swiftly erased before any of us had a chance to react. As my husband observed, it took almost a year to plan the wedding and less than a week to arrange the details to dissolve it. Nearly seven years of togetherness that I had hoped would defy statistics.

Part of me wants to know every detail, when it all started, and why it happened, yet it's probably better that I don't know. Swirling around this hurricane of emotions inside my head, I know that at some point I will miss the girl that was so much a part of our lives. There is no real closure there for me, unless I decide to pick up the phone and call her eventually. Before I do that, I have to decide what I am really trying to accomplish since opening a dialogue with her might very well do more harm than good.

From my family’s perspective, it seemed they had a typical relationship, with the same ups and downs as everyone else. If anything was against them, it was probably youth and immaturity. Somehow I thought they would rise above it, even though my instincts were telling me otherwise. There was a definite strain, an unmistakable awkwardness during the last few visits. I wanted those nagging feelings to be wrong more than anything.

As the news continues to sink in, I have experienced everything from anger to sadness to grief to regret. I am left wondering what I did or didn't do that may have contributed in even the slightest way to the demise of their relationship. Maybe I wasn’t entertaining enough. Perhaps I didn't make her feel completely at ease in our home. Possibly our family wasn’t good enough. Those thoughts make me incredibly sad.

The worst part is the anguish my son is going through and the fact that he concealed his misery for so long. What a noble son, trying to spare us his problems while shielding his wife from any backlash that might develop if we knew. He must’ve thought there was hope for them at some point along the way.

Regardless of the particulars, our family sticks together. We will close ranks and rally around our loving boy, supporting him however we can. He seems anxiously eager to start his new life and we will all be there for him. I know that he will emerge from this a more mature man; wiser, stronger, and more resilient. He is deeply loved and respected more than he might know.


Autumn said...

Tears! This is a beautiful post, and I'm glad you were able to put into words what we're all feeling in these difficult days.

Louisiana Belle said...

Thank you! Even though I mentioned earlier that we probably shouldn't blog about it, I had to find a way to express what I was feeling without offending anyone. Any insults or blame I will refrain from blogging about. If you want to write something, I'd like to see your thoughts.